We got so high we made milksteak
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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