Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
