Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
