those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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