I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
