Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
