Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just blew my weed a kiss
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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