did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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