the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
