By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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