I am full of burrito and curiosity
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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