Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
