Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
