im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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