I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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