So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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