I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
