I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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