I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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