If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
