well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
