He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
