My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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