just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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