wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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