she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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