Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dick very happy bro
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
