after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
