Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
