and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
