Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
