I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize