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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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