is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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