I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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