I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize