I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
