your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you will always have a special place in my vag
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize