I look better un-naked...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
