You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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