sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize