the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
