You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
