I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
