I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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