I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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