I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
