i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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