I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
