No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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