i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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