I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
