ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
