Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
