I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she smelled like a LAN party
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
