Already got asked if we're dating
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
