Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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