Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize