Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
