i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
