ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
