Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
