my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
