Dual....:-)
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
