I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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