Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
