dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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