I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize