my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
