evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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